Slow to Speak

One of the most useful pair of verses I know, for both parenting and discipleship in general, is James 1:19-20:

¹⁹Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; ²⁰for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (this and ff: ESV)

One the other hand, the pair of verses I find personally the most terrifying are
Matthew 12:36-37:

³⁶I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, ³⁷for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

I know that Jesus doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing as Paul does when he says “we have been justified by faith” (Rom 5:1). Still, there is enough in this statement of our Lord’s to terrify someone who has had as many “careless words” as I have.

Then I run across verses like Proverbs 26:4-5, as I’m trying to discuss with my sons how to address fools:

⁴Answer not a fool according to his folly,
lest you be like him yourself.
⁵Answer a fool according to his folly,
lest he be wise in his own eyes.

So are we to “Answer a fool according to his folly”, or not? Apparently, the juxtaposition of these two verses next to each other is intended to tell us: “It depends; sometimes yes, sometimes no”.

Then this morning, my daily Bible reading program led me to two different passages which speak about when to speak, and when not to. The first was in Proverbs 10:10-11:

¹⁰Whoever winks the eye causes trouble,
and a babbling fool will come to ruin.
¹¹The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life,
but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.

Apparently the first verse addresses two ends of the spectrum. There is a note in my study Bible that there does not seem to be a correspondence in v10, either as a parallel or as a contrast, as might otherwise be expected in Hebrew poetry (and sometimes in Paul, e.g., as here). But I’m not sure what the basis for that not was; the burden of proof should lie on the one who says Hebrew poetry is not parallel in any way, as often as it is (in some way). Anyway, as I see it, the first line in v10 talks about hinting with non-verbals, presumably because what needs to be communicated must also be hidden, presumably because it is shameful. That is, there is a kind of not saying much that indicates that you are causing trouble, and you know it, so you hide your communication in non-verbal signals.

On the other hand, the second line of v10 addresses the one who says too much, ultimately causing his ruin. I assume this is because there is little sense or value in what he says, resulting in in more wasted time than productivity from his speech. Taken together, I see these verses saying “don’t hide your speech; be transparent, but don’t babble on and on about it.” Two different kinds of ruin, caused by two different extremes of speech quantity.

I think this interpretation is confirmed by v11, which addresses the content of speech. It isn’t just about how much you say; what you say either gives life, or hides violence. Again, when we speak violence, we know that it is shameful (or at least some of us do), so we hide it.

The other passage I ran across this morning was Psalms 39:

¹I said, “I will guard my ways,
that I may not sin with my tongue;
I will guard my mouth with a muzzle,
so long as the wicked are in my presence.”

This is often where I start, at least more recently (I didn’t do this much in college…). I recognize that my mouth is a source of great folly, and that often the wisest thing to do is to shut it. Perhaps especially in the presence of the wicked (including social media trolls).

²I was mute and silent;
I held my peace to no avail,
and my distress grew worse.

But then sometimes that doesn’t work, or at least. Holding in what I think, especially when that goes along with watching the truth defamed, is hard to bear (for me, anyway :-)).

³My heart became hot within me.
As I mused, the fire burned;
then I spoke with my tongue:

With David, I also get to a boiling point, and eventually speak. But I find David’s words interesting. He cries out to God (I yell at other people), asking Him to remind him how short and ephemeral his life is (I yell how wrong they are):

⁴“O Lord, make me know my end
and what is the measure of my days;
let me know how fleeting I am!
⁵Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths,
and my lifetime is as nothing before you.
Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath! Selah
⁶Surely a man goes about as a shadow!
Surely for nothing they are in turmoil;
man heaps up wealth and does not know who will gather!

David also well oriented to the source of any goodness in his life. If holding back my tongue is an attempt at patience, what am I waiting for?

⁷“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in you.

David recognizes that his sins are an issue in his current dilemma; if they remain, he will get to watch fools laugh at him (among other things):

⁸Deliver me from all my transgressions.
Do not make me the scorn of the fool!

And he ultimately recognizes that he can’t complain, as his current situation, as bad as it feels, is from God:

⁹I am mute; I do not open my mouth,
for it is you who have done it.

Eventually, he appeals for Mercy, knowing that he will certainly not stand against God’s wrath:

¹⁰Remove your stroke from me;
I am spent by the hostility of your hand.
¹¹When you discipline a man
with rebukes for sin,
you consume like a moth what is dear to him;
surely all mankind is a mere breath! Selah

Eventually, David turns to crying, and asking God to hear him before he dies:

¹²“Hear my prayer, O Lord,
and give ear to my cry;
hold not your peace at my tears!
For I am a sojourner with you,
a guest, like all my fathers.
¹³Look away from me, that I may smile again,
before I depart and am no more!”

So even when the taunts and falsehoods of the wicked surround us, we should trust in God, our only true hope, and ask for his mercy. We know that it is from him, that he knows our tears, and that He will not leave us forever in the pit of sin (ours and others’) that currently surrounds us.

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